Spread Your Wings and Never Return!

Sometimes I have these moments of intense bravery. They usually backfire, but it’s the thought that counts. Yesterday was one of those days. I’ve been to the Butterfly Conservatory in Niagara Falls before, and it wasn’t that bad. The last time I went, I was eight and not nearly as afraid of the world as I am now. But they are just butterflies, how bad can it be? Awful. That’s how bad.

Gathering Recruits

Who’s In?

I’m the type of person that needs a buddy to do pretty much anything, especially when it requires bravery. It’s kind of like a security blanket. You can do stupid things with friends and not get dirty looks from people. But if you are on your own, people hard core judge. So I began recruiting. I asked everyone I was remotely friends with. I had the same response from everyone. The wide-eyed, mouths hung open, looks of pure disbelief. If I’m being honest, I probably would have given myself the same look. It’s no secret to anyone that creep crawlies give me the hebegebes.

Because I am a brave warrior, I decided to go on my own. I don’t remember being scared as a child, after all they are just butterflies right? What’s the worst thing that could happen? It land on me? They don’t bite or sting or do anything as far as I know. They just float around looking pretty.

The Main Entrance

The Road to Misery.

As I got closer to the conservatory, not gunna lie, I started to. Maybe I’m not a brave warrior, I’m just a blogger with some serious dedication. Just getting to the building was a whole lot of nature that I hadn’t prepared for. Have you ever heard that sound a squirrel makes? It’s a mix between a choking cat and a barking dog? That sound was coming from all directions. I couldn’t see them, but I could hear them. It was basically a sign to turn back, but I didn’t. I walked into that building calm, cool, and collected. For the most part. Okay, so I wasn’t so calm or cool. I had collected my thoughts on why I shouldn’t be there though. Does that count?

Looks kind of harmless from the outside, doesn’t it? It’s a trap.

First things first

A Little Bit of Education.

Before going in for direct contact with the butterflies I was ushered into a mini butterfly exhibition. Almost like a science fair. Honestly, I would have been totally okay with staying in that portion of the conservatory for the rest of the day. All the butterflies were dead and behind glass. And there was a movie at the end! Maybe I shouldn’t call it a movie, it was more of a how to interact with the butterflies. What if I don’t want to interact? Can you please tell me how not to instead? No? Okay cool, no worries I was just kidding anyways. Oh do I look like I might faint? Oh no I’m just naturally pale.

The Main Event

My Own Personal Hell.

I was only having a minor panic attack after the movie. Nothing I couldn’t handle. Here is the part that got me. I followed a little girl, probably about four years old, into the glass bubble. She took maybe 2 steps inside and turned around with her arms spread with a massive smile on her face showing the THREE butterflies that landed on her. I am done. I’m dead. Someone carry me outside. I was beginning to think I had a death wish. Can you imagine my death certificate? “Cause of death: Butterfly panic attack”.

Butterflies were literally everywhere. Yeah I know, duh, it’s a butterfly conservatory. But, there was an insane amount. You know when you walk through a swarm of gnats? It was like that but with butterflies. The only difference, with gnats, you can swat until your heart is content. In a butterfly conservatory, not so much, you will probably get kicked out.

I wish all of the butterflies were like these one. Behind glass.

Gotta Go

And Never Return.

My favourite part of the inside was the exit. As soon as I laid my eyes on it, it was like an action movie. A slow motion montage of me bolting to the door, dodging the massive wing span of several butterflies, manoeuvring my steps to avoid crushing the ones that sat on the path, having my matrix moment ducking under the swarms. Yes, it was as intense as I just made it seem. No I don’t have photo evidence of my skills, so you will just need to take my word for it.

I’ll bet you’re wondering how long I was actually in the bubble for. Get this. I lasted a whopping 3 whole minutes! I know it’s a record. Can you call Guinness World Records for me, please? I was horrified. And that’s not even an exaggeration.

I’m not even going to try to count them. But look at them conspiring their attack.

Pro Tips

Definitely Not my Happy Place.

In this case, I wouldn’t call myself a pro, but I won’t tell if you don’t.

  • Go with a group. Strength in numbers. You may not out number all of the butterflies, but you can at least give them a run for their money.
  • Mentally prepare. When I say they were everywhere, I mean it. On the ground, in the bushes, the ceiling, the walls, EVERYWHERE. If you can’t handle that, save yourself the $21.
  • They have a very nice gift shop. I spent more time in it that I did in the bubble. And I’m okay with it. I got a few nice mementos.

I’m just going to stay over here with my Snapchat filter and never return to the conservatory ever again. Like ever. So please don’t ask me to go. Please tell me I’m not the only one that nearly died in the bubble.

See! Look how happy I am with the fake ones.

Stay Adventurous my friends,

The Basically Adventurous Jordanne.

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